Dr. Isis is at the casa of her in-laws this weekend. It is their 40th wedding anniversary and we have made the many, many mile trip to spend it with them. This has been a generally relaxing trip filled with much Jameson for Dr. Isis and much shenanigans for Little Isis. Last night Little Isis's grandfather took him swimming at 11pm after enjoying some chocolate cake at 10pm. I can't imagine anything cooler than late night chocolate cake and swimming if you are three years old.
Figure 1: An artist's rendition of Little Isis this morning.
On Saturday morning Little Isis said something that piqued my interest. We were finishing breakfast and my father-in-law got up to put his plates in the sink. He turned on the water and Little Isis scolded him, "No!! My mommy is the boss of the sink!"
Figure 2: The boss of the sink?
Now, I have no idea what it really means to be the boss of the sink. Three year olds are prone to random, passionate exclamations of perfectly bat shit crazy things. "No Mommy! The giganotosaurus is supposed to wear that bathrobe so she can draw some birds!!!" It is an exercise in futility to try to predict what they will say next. I'm not sure why I was supposed to be the boss of the sink, considering Mr. Isis usually does the dinner dishes. Still, can't help but feel like Little Isis was offering some small degree of social commentary. There have been times recently where Little Isis has gotten very upset when Mr. Isis has gotten into the passenger seat of the car and I have chosen to drive. I wonder sometimes what gender roles have become imprinted on his irrational, three year old brain.
This all leads me to a topic we began a few months ago. You may remember that in June I had a small scrap with some folks from Science Magazine's Science Careers site over this article. In brief, my major criticisms with these types of websites, and indeed many of the Women in Science activities I have attended, is that the issue of "balancing work and family" is made to seem like solely a women's issue. I think this is a self-reinforcing failure. Women are concerned about balancing work and family because of societal pressures that reinforce the stereotype that women bear the responsibility for maintaining the home and raising children. We then have groups and publications that tell women in science that they need to learn to balance work and family, while ignoring their partners, and reinforce the pressure that they alone are responsible for maintaining the home and raising children. It's a daunting prospect to consider having a professional career while single-handedly managing a home.
Thus, until we start teaching everyone (not just women) how to balance these two spheres of their lives, this societal pressure is going to continue to reinforce itself.
Last week I received an email from the author of the original article I took issue with. Vijaysree Venkatraman has written a new article for Science Careers titled "Scientist Dads Step Up." Vijaysree writes:
It's a peer-group problem, she says: "If some young fathers take that leave and demonstrate themselves as equal caregivers, others will as well." Mason says she has seen this happen at her workplace. But as long as most men are resistant, others may feel that they can't take the chance. Once women scientists sought role models in laboratories; perhaps it's men who require role models now: male scientists who embrace domesticity.
I say, "Sack up dudes." Women who have had children haven't the option of being "resistant" to taking leave. Women are generally forced to take some degree of leave when we have children in order to allow our poor, tattered women parts to heal after childbirth. In response to hearing this paragraph a friend of mine suggested that male partners be forced to rub their scrotums over a cheese grater while their wife gives birth so that they could claim a similar post-partum leave experience. I told her that surely the internet would revolt if people got word that Isis said that men should have to cheese grater their scrotums. Thus, I can never endorse such a thing.
I am glad to see an article about dads in science, and I am also glad to see the front page of Science Careers looking a bit less like the cover of Good Housekeeping. While I'm I'm not sure that this is a permanent change because I haven't been following the site closely, I like it today. But, Vijaysree makes a good point - no one in science, men or women, really has great mentoring for how to deal with the issue of having two working scientist/professional parents.
Many of the families of my generation that I know still have a male breadwinner/full-time scientist while the wife and mother works part-time in a non-tenure track position. the wife has frequently given up her career in order to support her husband. They are now often found as lab technicians or part-time scientists. I've seen recent postdoctoral and assistant professor candidates turn down positions because they are concerned about their husband sacrificing his career, and so they have stayed where they were and taken less than tenure track positions. But, I have never worked for someone in academia who didn't have a stay-at-home wife.
I've been watching a lot of Mad Men lately. I just started the first season on DVD. It's interesting to ponder that we are only two generations or so removed from this and to consider that the ghost of these attitudes is still very much with us...
Video 1: A commercial from FX about how to be a woman in the workplace.
Many of the men that I see still haven't figured out this mythical "work/life balance." There is a famous physiologist in my field who recently retired and people often tell nostalgic stories of how he would work late into the evening on papers or grants and end up falling asleep at his desk. His wife would come to the lab in the morning, scold him, and round him up. These stories are told as though they are quaint, but I wonder what lessons this teaches the generation of scientists and fathers who came after him. If you want to be as successful, you've got to sleep at your desk? It's good to have a dutiful wife who will collect you and take care of you when you get wrapped up in the conduct of science?
For now I am pleased to see Science Careers feature an article about scientist fathers. In the future though, I hope to see them feature more articles about work and science, offering advice to scientists in general. Not just the female ones.
No comments:
Post a Comment